In order to keep track of how much trouble you will get into, we have created a point system. You can use this system to determine how far you should go. It might be a good idea to try to set a limit for yourself before the party. I'm not sure if you want to discuss this with your future spouse beforehand, however you should probably be able to estimate how many points you will be allowed on your own.
Suggested Point Limits: Here is a table that tries to point to recommended point levels:
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You are a sissy, your friends will be pissed and will never call you. |
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Not a bad compromise, but you need to live a little |
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Good job, not a wuss, not an ass. |
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Eventually, there may be a fight over this. |
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The fight will happen after the honeymoon. |
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The fight will happen on the honeymoon. |
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The fight will happen before the wedding. |
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What fucking wedding? |
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I'm sure you've noted the disparity between what Brides and what Grooms are allowed to do. This is because men invented bachelor parties so we get to keep them. Consider it a trade for the fact that you get a couch in the ladies room and free tampons once in a while in public and corporate restrooms.
Here are the tempations you will face and how many points they will cost you (remember they are cumulative so you have to add them up):
Attending your party |
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Drinking at your party |
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Getting Drunk at your party |
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Coming home drunk from party |
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Going to your future spouses house drunk after your party |
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Calling your future spouse "Diamond" when you arrive home |
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Eating healthy foods at your party |
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Watching porno movies |
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Yelling "hey that's my fiance" at the porno movie |
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It is your fiance in the porno movie |
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Getting a tattoo during the festivities |
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The tattoo doesn't have your fiance's name in it |
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The tattoo has a strippers name in it |
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Go to a strip joint |
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Have a stripper come to you |
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Strip joint isn't topless or doesn't serve alcohol. |
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Strip joint is all-nude |
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Your congressman attends the party |
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You are the congressman |
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Putting singles in g-strings |
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Lap dance |
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Get in the "on stage shower" with strippers |
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See a lesbian show |
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see a barnyard animal show |
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Get arroused by barnyard animal show |
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Pay for sex (at the hand of a prostitute) |
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Pay for sex (oral) |
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Pay for sex (intercourse) |
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Pay for sex (beyond intercourse) |
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Bring home the clap or other STD |
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Bring home the prostitute |
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I hope that explains it well enough. Stay out of trouble or I'll see you on Jerry Springer.